I tried to fit a third semi-colon into that title but the internet forbade it. Tonight come check out the coolest alternative to the typical holiday show. It’s A Wonderful Life: Unscripted is a long-form improv take on the classic story. Where your suggestions will inspire a whole new take on the quintessential holiday tale. I myself will not only be in attendance but will be Mr. Potter as well as other roles for the evening. Come see your favorite holiday movie live onstage and with a twist!

10:30 pm   901 Town & Country Blvd.  $12  713.868.1444

I recently caught up with the co-creators of The Darewolves and they agreed to do an impromptu interview with me. The following is for your reading pleasure.

Paul Salazar Jr: I’m here in a room with Timothy Wood and Marty Nichols, the co-creators of The Darewolves, a brand spanking new sketch comedy troupe. You guys have created quite a stir already in the Houston Indie Comedy world. Both of my readers have numerous questions for you. Firstly, we are all dying to know: is this related to the DARE, anti-drug, program in schools?

Marty Nichols: Actually that’s Brian Nichols. Not Marty. And no, no relation to DARE. DARE has a very different worldview than Timmy and I do.

PSJ: Brian Nichols?! Wow, I thought you were dead.

Brian Nichols: Sorry to disappoint.

Timmy Wood: Oh my god…are we starting? I’m sorry I have had my headphones on this whole time. I am listening to the latest Dean Koontz Audiobook.

BN: Liar. You’re listening to Katy Perry, I can hear it from here.

TW: She is the narrator. Get your facts straight before you start to hate!

PSJ: Either way, it explains why his ears are bleeding. So gents, what is a Darewolf?

TW: Well The Darewolves are sketch troupe full comedians and writers that are from Houston, Texas and We are doing a show at Midtown Arts Center on August 20th.

PSJ: I know what The Darewolves are, let me rephrase; what is a darewolf?

TW: What is a darewolf? Its a word we made up because it sounds like werewolf.

PSJ: (Yawns.)

TW: It’s a werewolf on a motorcycle how about that for an answer.

PSJ: Don’t get testy. I ask the hard hitting questions that the people want to know. I come at you like an orangutan! Every which way but loose!

TW: Fine, we will answer them Any Which Way We Can.

BN: Right Turn, Clyde. Get it? Any Which Way We Can? Clint Eastwood? Whatever.

PSJ: Hmmm. That leads me to my next question. Why comedy?

TW: Paul, come on be real for a moment. Where did you go to journalism school anyway?

PSJ: Journalism school? There is no such thing, you don’t have to go to school to ask hard hitting questions. Don’t worry about it. What is comedy?

TW: I’ll let Brian take this one.

BN: Comedy is silly business that makes you giggle. Back to you, Paul, you told us this interview would be appearing in a nationwide publication. Can you give me a name?

TW: Yeah Paul, you are asking us some vague questions. If I were you I would be asking stuff like “Hey when did y’all get the idea to do this show?’ ‘Why Houston?’ ‘What are your influences?’ What should the audience expect?’ In fact I am going to ask those questions to Brian. That’s right Paul. I am hijacking this interview.

PSJ: Fine then, I didn’t want to talk to you in the first place. I’ll take the first question Brian, I got the idea to do this show when I became a spirit and embodied Brian Nichols. I had the idea that Houston needs a new sketch comedy show and I called Timmy immediately. He loved it and he loved me. A match made in heaven.

TW: Eh that’s actually pretty accurate except it didn’t involve Paul’s spirit at all. Basically, Brian and I love Houston and love the comedy training and friendships that we made there. We wanted to do a show with all of those people before they skipped down. Which happens in Houston a lot. We decided to film it so we could have a nice body of work that all us comedians could be proud of.

PSJ: Don’t underestimate my spirit travel. I’ll spirit you right now, Timmy! (Sighs.) But I forgive you. So your filming this? I don’t have that in any of my notes. When were you guys going to tell me this was being filmed?

BN: Not until after you signed your release. Can we get that back, by the way?

PSJ: My legal team is reviewing it…when were you guys ever planning on telling me anything? I don’t even know when the show is.

BN: What? It’s Friday, August 20th at the Midtown Art Center. Timmy just said that! Paul, is that a bottle of cough syrup in your pocket?

PSJ: No, that’s a shamrock shake, but there is whiskey in there. You want a taste?

BN: That’s disgusting. So Timmy, in what ways would you say that Darewolves differs from your past comedy endeavors?

TW: That is such a great question, Brian. Really good question. Well, most of the other projects have been a little sketch show here or an improv show there. And I know its kind of been the same for you Brian. This is an amalgamation of all our projects in one big final show. Something like that. Brian, I am going to turn the same question on you now.

BN: Great question, Tim, thanks for asking. Well, the most obvious aspect of Darewolves which is new for me is the fact that it is being professionally filmed. Everybody in the group has extensive experience with live theatre, and specifically live comedy, but for a lot of us, film is a new thing. And even though I’ve worked with most of the cast of Darewolves before, I’ve never had the opportunity to do a project with all of these guys and gals at the same time, and a lot of them have never worked with each other before. So Darewolves is essentially our attempt to get a group of the funniest people we know on stage together, and try to capture that magic live on tape. In a lot of ways, it’s the most ambitious project I’ve ever been a part of. Paul? Paul? Should we just let him sleep?

TW: Wait, (checks Paul’s pulse) yeah he’s fine. Tell me more about your influences and what style of comedy you are trying to deliver with this show.

PSJ: I’m not sleeping my eyes are just closed. You’re questions are boring as peppermints! Here’s a real good question, are ghosts real? And if they are do you think they would wear clothes?

TW: Oh now he’s awake. I don’t know. How come Patrick Swayze can’t touch anyone in Ghost but he can stand on subway platforms and stairs? How come he doesn’t sink beneath the earths surface? That is a good question. But not a great one. It’s not great because we all know Ghosts aren’t real.

PSJ: Mmm-hmm. Yes. I interview. Brian, your thoughts?

TW: “I interview?” What are you Tarzan? Frankenstein? Joe Biden?

PSJ: That was my best Timmy Wood.

BN: You guys are both being ridiculous. Of course ghosts are real, and of course they wear clothes. Haven’t you seen Ghost Dad? And Timmy, to answer your question about my influences, I’d say mostly Bill Cosby movies from the late 80s and early 90s: Leonard Part 6, Meteor Man, Ghost Dad, you know, the classics.

PSJ: Niceties! Please and thank you’s, it’s the interviewers way. I enjoy the classics as well, Marty. Try this one on for size: I’m a young man about the town, I have a girlfriend and a three piece suit, I might or might not have eaten a Nutragrain bar. It’s August 20th. Now, I can go see Inception again OR I can go see Darewolves. Tell me why I should choose Darewolves.

TW: In our show, Joseph Gordon Levitt is performing live with us. Not just a projection on a screen. And I must say he is just riveting!

BN: Oh, Timmy, now’s probably a good time to tell you Joey Levitt canceled on us. He called me last night. Something about never having to work ever, ever again. Sorry I didn’t tell you sooner. Now I’m embarrassed.

PSJ: So no JGL, aka Cobra Commander. This is a huge blow to your show. Do you have a replacement or a backup plan?

TW: Well we may not have JGL! But we do have some other funny folks that you may have heard of funnyman Matt Lusk…

PSJ: Is he the Asian guy from The Hangover?

BN: Funnyman Kelly Harkins…

PSJ: Of Three Ninja’s Kick Back fame!?

TW: Bootown creator and funny lady Julie Gomez…

PSJ: I loved him in the movie version of Doubt.

BN: Funnyman and amateur wrestler Will Fordyce…

PSJ: He sounds French.

TW: Two words a letter and an apostrophe: Claire O’Malley.

PSJ: O’Really?

BN: And I think that about does it…

PSJ: This list is like a Who’s Who of rejected names for Jim Henson’s Muppets…where’s the beef?

TW: Oh and of course Brian Nichols who co wrote the hit play Ante, Christ and is now performing in ComedySportz LA!

BN: Oh! I almost forgot, Jared “The Beef” Doreck and Roland “The Bun” Ruiz who will unfortunately no longer be performing in the show. Something about an offer they got to work with Joseph Gordon Levitt but they did help us develop some material.

PSJ: It sounds like you’re trying to bake a cake with no flour if you catch my drift. Don’t you have a catalyst…you know another crucial member of the team?

BN: Yes, and the man to my left, Mister Timothy J Wood. Founding member of Reginald Funk, Scatter!, and TWood’s Feel Good Jug Band.

PSJ: I think you’re missing your most attractive, I might even go so far as saying sexiest member…

BN: You are referring, of course, to the 10th member of The Darewolves team, Sweet Lady Comedy.

PSJ: AH! Yes…Sweet Lady Comedy how we all love her. How could we ever forget her? Guys the joke is no longer funny. Look, um, well (laughter) this is awkward now. I don’t quite no how to say this…but…I, I was under the impression that I…well…

BN: What is it Paul? You can tell us anything. Right Tim?

TW: (nods)

PSJ: I really didn’t want to do this during the interview but…am I still in, or did Cobra C really take my place?

TW: In our hearts?

BN: No, no, Jo Go canceled, remember? He’s dead to us.

PSJ: Well, that’s not exactly what I meant. I’m not getting any younger, let me be blunt. Is there room for one more in The Darewolves?

TW: I shouldn’t do this without consulting Brian in private first but…ah well what the hell. Paul, how would you like to join The Darewolves…

PSJ: Yes! Thank God! I’ve been trying to get in forever. I have a great character called McCloster, he’s…oh just watch, “Heeeeeey, I’ma McClosterrr! I like to eat looooobster!”

BN: (To Timmy) You should have consulted me.

TW: Wait! Paul, I was going to see if you’d like to join The Darewolves as President of The Darewolves fan club.

PSJ: This interview is over. Get out. Ok come back. Sit down. I hate you both. Here’s a new hard hitting question. List of people that are jerks: Hitler, Clay Aiken and you guys. How could you pass on McCloster? (Paul begins to weep.)

TW: Paul Paul Paul, that character sounds wonderful and you’re in.

BN: You’ve always been in. We just wanted to see you cry.

PSJ: (Drying his tears.) Really?

TW: Yes, really. I wrote a character for you too called Jorge the Sad Boy. It’s this guy named Jorge. And he is sad.

BN: Timmy, I can’t believe you are taking credit for Jorge. I developed that character!

TW: Well this sounds like something we should all take up with Sweet Lady Comedy and see what she thinks.

BN: Or we could just settle this on Friday, August 20th at the Midtown Art Center at 7pm and 10pm.

PSJ: Why that date?

BN: Because that is the fucking date of the show! Good lord!!! Are you deaf?!

PSJ: Watch your language, this is a children’s blog.

BN: I apologize. I lost my temper. I’m not proud of that. I think we can all learn a lesson from this, boys and girls.

PSJ: (To Timmy) What is Marty saying?

BN: MY NAME ISN’T FUCKING MARTY! IT’S BRIAN FUCKING NICHOLS!!! ARE YOU FUCKING RETARDED?!!

PSJ: Oh Mylanta.

BN: I WILL RIP YOUR ARMS OFF, SALAZAR! CLEAN OFF!

PSJ: Wow. The censors won’t like any of that.

BN: Oh boy. There I go again. Sorry about that. Can I get a swig of that Shamrock Shake now?

PSJ: If you can get it away from Timmy…Timmy? I think he’s sleeping. (Brian checks his pulse and just shakes his head “No”.) Sweet butterscotch, not Timmy…Shamrock shakes ain’t no joke.

BN: Shit. I’d better get Levitt on the phone.

TW: Sorry I was listening to my Dean Koontz tape again. Damn this is good! Katy Perry does all the characters voices too!

BN: (On phone) Oh, hey Joe, uh…never mind. Bye.

PSJ: Well, thank you guys for sitting down with me and answering all of my hard hitting awesome questions–

BN: That was a horrible interview. You didn’t ask us one good question.

PSJ: To be honest I thought you guys were interviewing me. I had to make up everything on the spot.

BN: Couldn’t even tell.

TW: Alright guys, here’s a question for y’all: Three guests check into a hotel room. The clerk says the bill is $30, so each guest pays $10. Later the clerk realizes the bill should only be $25. To rectify this, he gives the bellhop $5 to return to the guests. On the way to the room, the bellhop realizes that he cannot divide the money equally. As the guests didn’t know the total of the revised bill, the bellhop decides to just give each guest $1 and keep $2 for himself.

Now that each of the guests has been given $1 back, each has paid $9, bringing the total paid to $27. The bellhop has $2. If the guests originally handed over $30, what happened to the remaining dollar? (Long pause.)

PSJ: (Pulling out a dollar bill.) Is this the dollar that was missing?!

TW: GASP!

BN: Spirit Traveler!!

The Darewolves will be performing live August 20th at Midtown Arts Center 7pm and 10pm. $10 and a smile is all you need.

Today August 6th, is officially Sidney Berger day as proclaimed by our Mayor Annise Parker. For the last month and a half I’ve had the privilege to be in rehearsals for Dr. Berger’s last show with the Houston Shakespeare Festival. I was originally cast in A Midsummer Night’s Dream and then one day I got a call from the production stage manager, a call I’m very familiar with, a call that says: “We need a bumbling idiot.” When I was told that Doc planned to retire after this show every sentimental bone in my body told me that I had to do it (even if it meant doubling my rehearsal).

Now that both shows are running I see Doc every night. Every night he’s strolling around backstage talking with everyone. Every night he greets with me something like, “You finally made it!” or “Where have you been? Have you been drinking?!” Then I see Doc again when I’m getting into costume and goofing off in the dressing room, “This is how you get into character!?” he’ll bark. ”Get into character, what’s that?” I’ll ask. “Oh geez, I  hired a moron!” Doc will slap his forehead. “Doc, what show are we doing tonight again?” I take the bait. “Hamlet,” he’ll yell. “I’m guessing that make me Rosencrantz or Guildenstern, maybe both. I need to go look at my lines. Do you have a script?” “You don’t need to know you’re lines, you just need to act,” he exclaims. “Good luck getting us to do that,” someone else will mutter. “Was I talking to you? Ah, I’m surrounded by idiots!” He throws up his hands in frustration and storms out. We’ve done a bit and we all chuckle. He comes back a couple times more to play his part of crazy old man and we all play the part of incompetent actors.

I’m sure some of the dressers think this is how Doc acts all the time. This is just for show though, he wants to cut up just as much as I do. He just likes playing the crazy old man as much as I love playing an ignorant jerk. During the show Doc can be found in the wings, watching the show intensely, saying almost ever line with the actors. I always tell Doc, I just watch him watching me to know how he wants me to say my line. After the show he always tells me how I was the best part of the show and I was marvelous (complete sarcasm, I have a total of maybe four lines), so I tell him he’s lucky to have me or ask if he wants me to autograph his shirt. This is Dr. Berger: quick, witty, always ready for a joke but most of all passionate.  I asked if I could ask him a couple of questions. He said sure if it meant more people would come and see Shakespeare. I then explained to him that two people read my blog. “Two fans that’s a success for you,”  he snapped back. He then pulled some donuts out of the backstage refrigerator and we sat down.

PSJ: You want to heat those up?

Dr. Berger: Nope, this is how I like them.

PSJ: Let’s talk HSF. So 36 years ago you decided to do outdoor theatre in Houston, Texas…

DB: No, no it wasn’t that. When I first came here, I came here to Miller to see what was going on. The thought of having the ballet, the symphony and the opera out here; and all the people coming for free was really quite wonderful. The ambiance was so liberating. And in the theatre, Shakespeare is the only playwright that matched Beethoven and all the others out here. And I wanted to direct Shakespeare more than I wanted to breathe. So, I thought it was the perfect match for my need and what the theatre could accommodate. And that’s how the Houston Shakespeare Festival started.

PSJ: But I mean, this is summer in Houston. Mosquitoes, humidity…

DB: Never gave that a thought. And the reason I didn’t, at least now that I think back on it, is that Shakespeare did it out of doors, in the middle of the city. Just like we are: open air. Nobody complained, nobody worried about it. People go to ball games all the time, they don’t complain about it. You know, the ambiance is completely different. You go to an indoor theatre and if it’s too cold, we worry. If it’s too hot, we worry. But in an outdoor theatre it’s much more liberal and people come dressed in whatever they want. It’s a completely different feeling.

PSJ: Which is funny because I…well I don’t know if you can tell, but I don’t do many Shakespeare shows.

DB: Ha!

PSJ: What I mean is, I tend to do newer shows. Plays that have never been produced or things more non-traditional. The majority of stuff I do is performed in someones backyard, a park or a bar. I love it when an audience can show up casually,  relax and enjoy themselves. Don’t worry about putting on airs for the show. Eat and drink. Yell back at the actors if you want. I enjoy breaking the fourth wall to let the audience know that I know I’m here to entertain them. And none of these concepts are new.

DB: No, we’ve been doing that for centuries. Our theatre is based mainly on Broadway where it was all proscenium, which is a much later device compared to the open air theatre. Which of course was common in Shakespeare’s day.

PSJ: I guess what I’m saying is that now matter how edgy I think that I am, I think I like Shakespeare.

DB: Pffft. Glad to hear it.

PSJ: I’m kidding, I’ve always appreciated Shakespeare. Now I feel I really dig outdoor Shakespeare.

DB: Well people enjoy it. When it’s a good production they want to come back. They’re relaxed, they don’t have to be on their best behavior. They can boo, they can scream–I had an English actor here when I did Richard III, I brought him in from London. One night the audience was screaming and booing. When he got backstage he said, [in a British dialect] “Sidney, Sidney they’re screaming. They’re screaming, what’s going on?” I said, Frank, that’s because they like you. “Really? That never happens in London.” He went back to and told everyone about Houston and how the audience was completely different than what he was used to.

PSJ: What would you say is the impact HSF has made on the city of Houston?

DB: I think the impact is great. The reason I say that is because it’s not this little erudite audience that goes to the opera and stuff like that. Nothing against that, God knows we need them.

PSJ: Gotta love the patrons.

DB: Yes but the fact that common, regular people, many people that have never seen a Shakespeare play in their life come because they can relax. They can wear t shirts and jeans and if they’re bored they can leave and they haven’t spent fifty dollars on a ticket. So I think we attract a huge audience of people that don’t necessarily reflect the other theatres around town.

PSJ: Theatre for the masses, yeah. Let’s talk comedy Doc. With so many avenues for comedy: stand up, sketch, improv, etc.  that pull focus away from Shakespeare is it important for comedians to do Shakespeare, would they look out of place in the script?

DB: You have to remember in Shakespeare’s day they didn’t have television. They didn’t have vaudeville. People still wanted to laugh! They went to the theatre to have a good time for the most part. Yes, he gave them Hamlet and Lear and many more but he also gave them Comedy of Errors. If you look at Comedy of Errors as an example it’s filled with standup comedy. People just stopped the play and did fifteen minutes of standup comedy. They didn’t think it was a bad thing. They thought it was a good thing.

PSJ: I saw your Comedy of Errors at UH a while back—

DB: Shakespeare’s Comedy of Errors.

PSJ: You told me you wrote it. I mean that’s what the playbill said. I’m all sorts of confused now.

DB: Uh huh, sure! Lies!

PSJ: I think that was the first Shakespeare play I really enjoyed, it was fun.

DB: It’s a simple show. I don’t mean that in a negative way. It’s full of comedy routines. The play stops they do a comedy routine. Shakespeare stole; I should say borrowed many of his plots. He had very very few plots of his own.

PSJ: So if a stand up wanted to do Shakespeare we should encourage it.

DB: Well stand up comedians are actors, in my opinion.

PSJ: It’s just a character.

DB: Yeah, they’re playing a character up there.  A great many good stand ups have been good actors: Milton Berle, Red Skelton were really good actors. The idea of standing in front of an audience on your own is no different than acting in a play except you have other actors around you and a plot to follow.

PSJ: Good point. Doc is there a reason why you picked two comedies this year. Why not Hamlet, I know you’re crazy about him.

DB: A lot depends on how I feel at any given season. And this year I just felt like I wanted to uplift the audience. It’s the first time in 35 years we’ve done two comedies and I’m very glad we did. They’re two very different comedies on the other hand the audience’s mood has been lightened because of it.

PSJ: What has been your favorite moment of the festival?

DB: I’ve never had a quote, “favorite moment.” I’ve had favorite plays.

PSJ: Ok.

DB: Hamlet is my favorite play in the cannon, I’ve done it three times. I’d do it again in a second because I think it reverberates with something that is very much the soul of our time. The soul of everything, that’s why it’s the greatest play ever written. Even though it’s cliche, Hamlet is the show I love the most.

PSJ: There’s nothing wrong with that. It’s like going to a place that’s famous for their steak and not ordering the steak because everyone else is getting it.

DB: Exactly. Or it’s like Beethoven’s 5th. Yes, it’s one of the great classics of all time but listening to it still thrills me. Doing Hamlet means a great deal to me every time I direct it.

PSJ: (Laughing.) Your metaphor was way better. So, let’s say a hundred years from now…

DB: We’d both be dead.

PSJ: What!? No, I don’t think so.

DB: I don’t think so either.

PSJ: I’ll find a way to be immortal.

DB: Good.

PSJ: I’m glad your on board with this plan. Alright Doc, 100 years from now we still hopefully have a Houston Shakespeare Festival, right? People look back on the founder of this whole enterprise. What do you want people to say about everything you’ve done?

DB: What I want people to say in one way or another, they don’t have to say it literally, is that being at the Houston Shakespeare Festival changed their lives, made them look at life in a very different way. If I don’t change lives, I don’t want to do this. I don’t mean change the facts that we live with everyday; I mean change the soul and the spirit. That’s what I’m after.

PSJ: One last question. I’m sure it can be rough for you right now. Maybe bittersweet is a better word. I mean, this is your last show. You’re final bow you know? Your famous for quoting Shakespeare on the spot so can you quote something that resonates with you right now and maybe explains how you feel as you retire…

DB: You’re depressing me!

PSJ: Good my job’s done, interview over! That’s all I was trying to do.

DB: (laughs.) What’s wrong with you?

PSJ: No one knows. So you think you can give me a quote that comes to mind with how your feeling?

DB: Well, something comes to mind from the Scottish play that I like a whole lot where he says:

Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow

Creeps in this petty pace from day to day,

To the last syllable of recorded time;

And all our yesterdays have lighted fools

The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle!

Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player

That struts and frets his hour upon the stage

And then is heard no more. It is a tale

Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury

Signifying nothing.

Not that I agree with it. But my God is it breathtaking.

PSJ: Now, I think you’re trying to depress me.  For a second there I thought you were referring to my performance though.

DB: (Laughs.)

PSJ: I’m sure it’s what a more poetic Everret Evans would write about me. Well Doc, on behalf of everyone who has learned Shakespeare from you. student or audience member. Thanks for everything. I hope you have been overjoyed with everything you have done for us.

DB: I have been. I thank God everyday for having this opportunity to do what I love and share what I love. It couldn’t have been better.

Tonight March 19th come to the ComedySportz Arena to see the Interloop Loonies and Cousin Oliver and the Ha Ha Hobbits battle it out to go to the finals.  Captain Monte, Peter and yours truly are ready to represent the Ha Ha Hobbits tonight. It will be intense, it will be funny, it will be madness! Tickets are still available but not many…so get them now or else.

Today Houston says goodbye to a true American hero. By “true American hero” I mean local writer, comedian and actor. Get Thee Gone Timmy Wood is a revue of projects that he has worked on combined into a variety show of sorts. It should be hilarious and slightly effeminate, just like the man himself.